7 psychological facts about love

What is love?An emotion, a perception, a belief?One things for sure, it must be felt with your own heart to be truly understood.

Love may be the most powerful force on Earth, it’s responsible for some of the greatest literature in human history. It has toppled kingdoms, inspired genius and altered our biology and psychology.
Love is as beautiful as it is complex, so let us simplify things with these 7 psychological facts on love and relationships.

1. Broken window effect

A lot of things, only 0 and countless times. The broken window effect was originally a theory of criminology, which was put forward by James Wilson and George Kelling and published in an article entitled broken windows in the March 1982 edition of the Atlantic Monthly. In many cases, it is easy to develop worse results if we let it go. And in love, it's also very common: if your husband is cheating, he will cry and beg for your forgiveness, saying over and over again that he won't do it again and there won't be a second time.

You forgive because of your kindness, but soon you find the trace of the other party's eating forbidden fruit. You have never told a lie in love before, but since you once had to tell the first lie, you find that the number of lies will only increase and will not stop. If you are subjected to domestic violence or vicious words in marriage, you will find that no matter how the other party says it, you will change it Second, third, fourth, innumerable times of domestic violence or bad words will appear. Once a lot of things have a start, it's not difficult to make them again.

2. Physical contact can effectively enhance the intimacy of two people.

Gueguen (2003) found that if the experimenter touched the subject's arm gently, the subjects were more willing to pick up the dropped objects for the experimenter as a stranger. 93% of the patients in the experimental group were willing to help, while only 60% of the patients in the control group were willing to help. Vaidis and Halimi falkowicz (2008) asked pedestrians on the street to fill in the questionnaire. The subjects who were touched twice were more willing to fill in the questionnaire than those who were touched only once. When a female experimenter touched a male, the compliance rate was the highest.

Gueguen (2010) found that men tend to mistake a slight physical contact (touching the arm) without sexual color for pornography. Women were also more willing to leave phone numbers for men they met on the street after they touched their arms. In fact, many people confuse the order of their feelings and think that Wan's confession in advance is the clarion call to launch a charge. In fact, it's not. Confession is not a clarion call to launch a charge, but a flag to announce victory. It means that the time of confession must be to confirm the relationship when the other party has a good impression on you, rather than to test the relationship under the premise of uncertainty.

The real way to test whether the other person is interested in you or to enhance the intimacy of two people is to try not to make excessive physical contact. Because if a girl doesn't like you, she won't be willing to have any physical contact with you. Even if she delivers something, it may be carried out without touching you. If a girl likes you, she won't avoid your simple touch with her in the process of your dating, and will even take the initiative to smack and pat you. So, try to hold each other's hands Let's do it. If the other party does not reject, then go to the confession.

3. In love, the one who pays may not be cherished.

There is a woman in America who likes to be quiet. But there are a lot of children playing outside her house, so the woman would go outside every day and ask them to keep quiet. However, she found that such warnings did not work at all. In less than five minutes, the children began to play again. So the American woman came up with an idea. Every time that group of children play, the woman will give them $5 each, and said to the children: "your play and laughter, let me feel very happy, this $5 is a reward for you, I hope you can often come here to play in the future." The children are very happy when they get the reward, so they make an appointment to play with the woman every day.

But just two weeks later, the woman reduced her pay from $5 to $2. As soon as children see that they work so hard and desperately to play, but the reward is less than half of the original, they have no mood to play any more. As a result, a few children discussed and left the woman's window together. I believe many people have seen these two stories. The reason for this situation is explained by the law of beber in psychology. According to the law of beber, when a person experiences a strong stimulus, the new stimulus given to him or her becomes insignificant.

In terms of psychological feelings, the first big stimulus can dilute the second small stimulus. Because we are used to caring for our relatives and friends, and have high expectations, sometimes once they do not care enough for us, we may have resentment in our hearts, or even vicious words. For example, when you keep sending gifts to your girlfriend, if you don't receive them for a period of time, or the value of the gifts is not getting higher and higher, the other person is likely to have uncomfortable emotions in his heart, and will make trouble for himself: "does he not love me?" Therefore, pay attention to the way, can not be thrown out all at once, otherwise once stop this kind of pay or reduce, it will cause negative effects.

4. Perfect love = passion + commitment + intimacy. What is a perfect love like?

American psychologist Steinberg has come to the conclusion that a perfect love should have these three elements: passion, intimacy and commitment, which is the classic "love triangle theory". Passion is romance in love, sexual attraction and emotional obsession. Intimacy is a part of the agreement between the two sides. Even if the relationship between lovers is separated, they are also close friends. Commitment refers to the common expectation, planning and mutual responsibility of both parties for their future life. Only passion is called infatuation; only intimacy is called friendship; only commitment is called emptiness.

5. When you like someone, you will unconsciously imitate him.

Have you found that if two people chat frequently, their expression bags will get closer and closer. In fact, people always subconsciously imitate some behaviors or traits of the opposite sex. American behavioral scientist Paul Bay believes that when a person falls in love, there will be a "homology phenomenon" of eager to learn from each other's advantages. The stronger the feeling of liking, the stronger the desire for similarity. Dr. Frederick ranki, a cognitive biologist at the University of Vienna in Austria, analyzes that this phenomenon occurs because people are eager to become like their loved ones. This behavior is influenced by mirror neurons in the brain. So we will find that people who love each other for a long time will have more and more similar eating habits, hobbies and three outlooks.

6. Murphy's law in love

Murphy's Law means that everything that may go wrong has a great chance of going wrong. The more afraid things are, the more likely they are to happen, and the more worried things are. For example, when I was a child, I would like to bury my head under the table when I met a question that I couldn't answer. I would silently say "the teacher can't see me" in my heart, and then I would point to myself. Those days with umbrellas were sunny, and as soon as I put on clean new shoes without umbrellas, it began to rain cats and dogs. As soon as I skipped class, the teacher would call the roll.

In love, many people worry about whether they like themselves, how much they like themselves, whether they will leave themselves, whether they will like others, and whether they are not attractive enough. When you are too afraid of one thing, in order to avoid that result, your behavior will go astray. For example, if you are too afraid of being abandoned, you will repeatedly confirm whether you have the possibility of being abandoned. In the process of repeated verification, you are torturing yourself and others.

Similarly, in front of the girl / boy whom you like, you are especially afraid of making mistakes, but as a result, it is easy to show deliberate and unnatural, which makes the other party lose interest in yourself. All of these are caused by the heart of gain and loss in love. The strong demand for each other leads to the loss of performance points. Deep love is not life, with deep love, attitude will become too persistent or even paranoid, mind will become worried about gain and loss or even fragile. A good relationship is based on commonness and attraction. In fact, both sides will realize that relaxed pleasure, oppression, binding and blindly paying can only make this relationship breathless.

7. Primary effect

First impressions are more important than you think. After the formal meeting, the researchers found that students' initial impression continued to affect each other's emotions after nine weeks. After the first brief meeting, students' judgment of others was deep and lasting. The initial cognition will affect people's judgment after a few months. If we dislike someone very much in the first contact, we will avoid making any further contact with him.

At the moment of meeting, people will make a judgment. The "instant" here refers to 1 / 25 second, which is the time taken to identify whether a stranger's facial expression is angry or not; as long as one tenth of a second is considered, people can determine whether a stranger is trustworthy (Willis & Todorov, 2006); as long as five seconds of chat between a stranger and the opposite sex is observed, people can determine TA's extroversion, conscience and intelligence (Carney, 2007). The time that people judge according to the first impression is faster than we think.